Morningstar
by animaldesigns
Summary: The story of the Archangel Lucifer, and the reason for his inprisonment in Hell.
1. Prologue: In The End

Prologue: In the End

Blood. Blood everywhere. Blood _everywhere_. It covers the floor, and most of the walls. And most of it is mine.

Blood. Blood I should never have even _had_. Blood is for mortals, and I am not mortal. But there I lay anyway. The cold stone floor underneath me allows it to slip and slide everywhere, dripping into the few cracks that radiated from the crater in the center of the room, but not actually soaking into anything. It flows along the ground, eventually drying, but it doesn't matter, because it seems like it would just be covered with more blood. _God_, how can the human body hold this much blood?

As my life continues to ebb out, my heart continuing to beat and force the blood into my veins and then out of my dozens of various lacerations and holes in my new body, I wonder if He will_finally_ love me again now. After all, I have never stopped loving Him. Never. Will he finally let me see Him again? Now, after all I have done, after everything I have sacrificed, after all the good I have done, will He allow me back into His good graces? After I die, will I go back into the torture I have endured for what seems like eternity? Or will I finally go back home?

Maybe He will just wipe out my existence altogether. Even that would be an improvement. Nothingness would seem blessed after all the pain and suffering I've been through. I would rather be completely removed from the universe than return to my prison.

But despite everything I've gone through for Him, despite all the sadness, all the terrors, all the anguish I've felt, I still love Him. That's the most important thing: I _never stopped loving Him._

Everything I did was for Him. From the beginning of time to now to the end of time if necessary, everything I do is for love of Him. I have never stopped, even when He shunned me, even when He cast me down, even when He disowned me. I knew He would do it – I _forced_Him to do it – _because_ I love Him.

So now I'm here. I'm lying here now, too weak from blood loss to even sit up straight. I'm lying here, bleeding blood should never have had, suffering from wounds I should never have felt, afraid of a death I should never have been able to experience. How did this all happen? I know how it started, billions of years ago, and I know where I am now and the immediate reasons for that, but _how_?

I realize that I don't feel any pain anymore, and I understand enough of mortal physiology to know that I'm only minutes away from death. A split second later, time slows down so rapidly that the blood doesn't even flow from my veins anymore. Technically, it is, but each drop is like a glacier – moving slowly, slowly, only a tiny fraction every few minutes, but still inevitable. I have power, real _power_, but not enough. Not enough to stop my own death now, only enough to forestall it for maybe a few hours in my own mind. In reality, time hasn't even slowed – it's just that my mental processes have sped up so far that it seems like everything else is frozen.

But my body is still too weak to move, regardless of how fast I can think. So all I can do is lay here, putting death off as long as possible, and think about everything that has gone wrong since the beginning of time. About how I, God's most trusted and loyal servant, the strongest ethereal creature besides God himself, the Morningstar, grew to be the most loathed creature in the universe, despised by mankind, pitied by Angels, wept for by God.

The right hand of God. Most powerful of all the bodies in Heaven. Most revered, most holy, the one creature that could commune with the Lord at any time, any place, for He loved me above all others. And yet I'm here, dying. I can feel His gaze fall on me, then look away in sorrow.

How did I get here? _How?_


	2. I: Created Before Creation

I: Created Before Creation

_Lucifer_. I could hear the name being spoken in my ear, a soft, gentle, yet commanding voice. It was the voice of a Father, and it didn't just enter my mind – it consumed my body, my very _essence_. I somehow knew that just a few moments ago I had not existed, but here I was, floating in the ether, a lone body in the void. I was completely limitless: I knew no bounds, depended on nothing, _nothing_ in the universe, save one thing: Him. My Creator, my Father, my _Friend_.

There were but two things in the universe, and I was the second. The first was all around me, everywhere at once; the void was completely empty, yet full of his all knowing, all loving essence. He existed at all times, in all places, in every way possible. While I was created by Him, He had always existed; He had no beginning and no end. He was completely independent of anything, for he created everything.

The Bible says, in Genesis, chapter one, verse one: "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth." But before the beginning, he created us. He created _me_.

I was the first of all his creations.

"Lord."

I felt my mouth form the syllable, my first word, my first praise of his almighty power, and knew that it was only the beginning of our eternal friendship.

I sensed the emptiness in front of me shimmer. Although there was no light yet, no way for me to physically see what He was showing me, my eyes recognized an image anyway – no force of physics could restrain him from showing what he would, because physics as such did not exist yet.

Already, he chose to appear as an old human; my mind boggled at how ancient he must be to already be as old as this when I, his first creation, had just come into being. His eyes appeared to be blue, a clear, shining blue, but as I watched, the color shifted slightly, ever changing, and lit with their own power. His face was wrinkled and old, clearly full of wisdom. I know that He had a body, but at this point I could not see it; my eyes were locked to His, unable to look away from the piercing, loving gaze He had fixed on me.

"Lucifer. I name you Lucifer. You will be the greatest of all my creations. You, you alone, will wield power close to that which I possess. You will be the one being that will help me in all. You alone of all your brethren will have free will, and the power to rule over all but me." He paused, then whispered, "Do you accept this charge?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but hesitated only a moment, not from an unwillingness to accede – no other thought had ever, would ever enter my mind but to serve Him – but from the sheer magnitude of what was happening. It took me that moment to fully comprehend what this pledge meant not for me, but for him. He had already created me, and in so doing, had consciously given me the ability to choose my actions for myself. I already possessed nearly all the power that He Himself had…yet he was not forcing me to serve him. Had I so desired, I could have rejected him immediately. I could have taken all the power he gave me and forged an existence of my own to contend with his. I could have ruled the universe, my universe. I could have been _God._

"I accept this, my Lord. I accept. I will always be here to serve you. Always."

His eyes filled with tears, and He embraced me. There, in the void, before the galaxy or anything in it had yet been formed, before there was anything in reality but the two of us, He expressed His love for me, and I expressed mine for him. I could sense His apprehension, His anxiety that perhaps this being He had created, this being He had shaped from nothingness with the sheer power of His mind and heart alone, would defy Him. The realization that I had just he had made eons ago, when the thought of creating a servant such as I had first entered His mind. Yet here I was, that very servant, the exact way that he had envisioned, with all the power and all the free will that he had intended for me.

And I had _agreed_. This, the moment He had been dreading, the moment He had been afraid would prove to be the undoing of all that He had yet to make, had gone exactly as He had hoped, _better_ than He had hoped.

_Lucifer._ Once again, I felt His voice, felt it resonating within me even as I felt His arms around me, and I felt joy. Joy, and a longing to serve, to prove that he had in fact created perfection, a being with free will that would still do nothing but good, nothing but the best. _Lucifer. I love you._

I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I had existed for only a few moments, although since time had not yet been created, it could have been for all eternity. In my mind, however, it had only been a few minutes, the first few instants of an existence I knew would literally last forever. Even so, I already knew that these first few instants would be the most cherished memory I would ever possess. God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, loved _me._ He created _me_ first, he risked all for _me_. I was his only creation, and I would forever be his most loved.

With my cheeks covered in my own tears of joy and His, I responded. I put all my essence, my very heart and soul into the words. All I heard was my own voice, muffled by the fabric of the robe the Creator had adopted, but I knew that if it was at all possible, he could feel my response echoing throughout his essence. Though my mouth ejected only a few whispered syllables, my soul cried them out such that the entire universe, had it existed, would have heard them, would have felt them in their hearts.

_I love You, too, Lord. And I will always, always be Yours. Always._


	3. Chapter II: Servants of the Lord

Chapter II: Servants of the Lord

We rested like that, the Creator and his creation, arm in arm, embracing, for eons, both of us completely content to remain so. Our joy was enough to sustain us forever. He, requiring nothing to continue, and I, needing only His love, which I received without limit, were content to remain together.

But eventually, we both recalled that He had created me with some purpose. I was not to be His only creation, no, not at all. Instead, I was to aid Him in the production of a number of other entities.

_The first_, He explained to me, _is a race of beings like you, but not like you. They will share your shape, your identity, and to an extent, your powers – although you will always remain more powerful than they, and you will, of course, retain your free will._

"Of course, Lord."

_They will not. They will be my Angels. A race of beings independent of the physical worlds we will create, but able to influence them at will. They, like us, will have the ability to assume whatever shape they please, including physical form – although that carries with it some danger, of course, as they are then somewhat in danger of mortality and all that comes with it._

"Will they not be able to readopt their celestial bodies at will?"

_No. They will be limited in that way. Once they have adopted mortal form, their essence will be contained within that frame. They will retain some of their powers, but they will not be able to abandon that shape, because that body would then suffer and die – and I cannot allow that, not blindly. Though humans may suffer and die at their own hands, I will not allow my Angels to cause it._

"I understand."

_They will be able to deny the laws of physics, to render them void for a time, in order to achieve some goal in the physical realms. The Angels will be our arms in the worlds, our messengers and warriors, our helpers, so that we may remain outside looking in on it all, and see everything at once._

"Why, Lord? Why do we need them? In the worlds you create, should not everything go well?" For a moment I was afraid that He would think I was questioning His wisdom, His motivation for creating His Angels the way He proposed. But almost as soon as the fear hit me, I felt a wave of reassurance wash over me; He knew that I asked the question out of true curiosity, not incredulity.

_Because the world will not be perfect, Lucifer._ I could feel the sadness in His words; He knew it would happen, that given the nature of the world we were going to create, it would be impossible for pain and hardship to be completely avoided. He knew all this, and the sadness that filled Him passed into me, and I cried for decades. Just as we shared in the joy of my creation, we shared in the pain and sorrow of the worlds' misfortunes.

Then, ages later, He continued. _For the world will contain billions and billions of individuals. And although I will not grant free will to all my Angels, I will grant it to the higher forms of mortal life, when they are ready, because I want them to know the fullness of all the joys of life. But although I want them to enjoy life and all it's wonders, some of them will be bad._

"Bad, Lord?" I asked, unsure what He meant. I knew that I had had the potential to be wicked, but surely I had powers far beyond any that the mortals could ever possess; how bad could they possible become?

_Yes, Lucifer. Worse than bad; some will be truly evil. For we will not interfere, because to do so would be to deny their true will._Again, I felt Him grow sad. _They will kill themselves and each other. They will murder, rape, and destroy their own lives._ He paused, then whispered, _They will destroy their worlds. All that we create will someday be destroyed by our own creations_.

I was horrified. The very idea of creating things that we knew would eventually self destruct baffled me. I could not comprehend the purpose behind doing such a thing.

_It is simple, Lucifer._I was unaware that I had formed the thought into words, but knew that I must have, for the very gift that would condemn reality, free will, would not allow God to reach into my thoughts. _Recall the utter joy that we reveled in when you were created. Feel again all the love that we have felt for each other, all the elation that we share in our very coexistence. The mortals will feel the same, on a massive scale. For all eternity, mortal parents will give birth to mortal children, and with every birth they will feel the same joy that we have felt. They will not be able to enjoy it for nearly as long, for their bodies will not sustain them for more than a few decades, but that will just make the joy even more intense. In their short lives, they will not have the opportunity to experience much, but this bliss will be a lasting memory, and one that they will all have the opportunity to experience. But without free will, this experience – the experience of life itself – will mean little. They must be able to choose for themselves how to live, how to embrace the opportunities they have; if they are forced into it, it will mean nothing._

He sighed. _Unfortunately, granting them any free will means granting them will over everything. If we grant them the ability to choose some things but not others, they will instantly become aware that they are being coerced into certain actions._

"How do you mean, my Lord?"

_Oh, Lucifer, you really can't comprehend, can you?_ He laughed, amused despite the gravity of the situation. _Remember when I first created you? I told you what I would have you do, but then I offered you the choice of whether or not to accept this appointment. Do you recall?_

"I do, Lord."

_And how did you feel? Did you feel that the choice was truly yours to make?_

"I did, Lord. I knew that I had the ability to deny You. I had the potential to create my own alternate universe, but I didn't, because I chose to remain faithful to You."

_Exactly so, my friend, exactly so. You felt you had the option. Had you been a body without free will – like the other Angels, for example - you would never have even considered any option other than blind obedience. Once a race of mortals becomes intelligent enough, I will grant them free will, but imagine if that will is limited. They can choose when to reproduce, who their mate is, how to raise their child - but they would be unable to fight, kill, destroy. Do you think they would fail to notice that some – many, in fact - of their actions are being limited by a higher power? The instant they make that observation – and they will, because they must be intelligent before I grant them free will, and any intelligent creature will be able to notice that hindrance – they will lose faith in life, because they will realize that everything they have founded their existence on isn't really theirs._

I wept again, knowing that although mortality would enjoy more wonders than tragedies, the tragedies would still exist, and would hold a place in the forefront of their minds. God and I would create entire worlds, and races within those worlds, and those races would torture each other. We knew that, but we would do it anyway, because on the whole, our creations would experience more good than bad. But still, I wept for those who would bear the terrors of our actions by suffering throughout their lives. We would do it all for goodness and joy, and doom uncountable numbers to pain in the process.

_But that is work for another time, Lucifer, my friend, my son. Before that, we must work to create our helpers. We shall do it together, this time. We will create our Angels. Now, observe yourself._

I envisioned my essence, as much as was possible. It was impossible, of course, to truly form a mental image of myself – in all actuality, I had no "self". I was as formless as God, just a self-conscious force in the ether. I did my best to form a mental catalogue of my various traits and abilities – all the qualities that it would seem God would want to replicate in his Angels.

_Now, remove the ability to choose their own actions, as well as their ability to_create_or_destroy_anything – they can only change and shift things, they cannot cause anything to come to or cease to exist._I did so. Even as I removed these traits, I knew that the list no longer defined me. The very qualities that God had asked me to remove were the ones that were most important to my sense of self.

_Now…envision other entities like that. Thousands of them. Millions of them._

"Should I name then all, Lord?"

_No, that is not necessary. They are identical; should we need one, any one will do._

"But if they wish to speak with each other? Surely we should allow them a sense of community?"

God paused, thoughtful. _I had not considered that, Lucifer. A good recommendation, though. Well done!_ He laughed, and my soul bubbled over with joy at his pleasure._You truly will prove to be an asset to my creation, my friend. Hmmm…allow them to form their own names, I suppose, to their liking. They will serve us, but they will still have their own consciousness. In fact…allow them this: they shall have free will to do what they please, except when directly asked to do something by either of us. That order they cannot deny._

As I set about imagining these new creatures, a thought occurred to me. "Lord, what if our orders should someday conflict? Whose should they follow?"

There was complete silence in my mind. God had entered such deep thought at the suggestion that I was scarcely aware if he was still there. "Lord?"

_I'm here, Lucifer,_ He said. There was another moment of silence. _Allow them to choose who to follow. Although I don't believe that they shall ever have to make a choice such as that._


End file.
